The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
