I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
