Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
not ubering you a puppy
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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