My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
