I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
