Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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