it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
