i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
