I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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