hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
