So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
