After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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