i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
