puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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