Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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