hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
