sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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