I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
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Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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