I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Randomize
