just tell him i said nine months
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
