dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
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When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
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I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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