saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
