once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
