dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
