Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
