Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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