we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i was born a porn star she said
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
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