and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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