Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I checked into jail on foursquare
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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