Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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