is your mom at the bar?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
