OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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