I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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