I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
they're like a gay fantastic four
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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