who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
