My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
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so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
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Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.