if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
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He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
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I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
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