dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.