What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.