Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
