and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
