all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
