hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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