Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
