Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
