you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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