Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
smell my finger.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
