i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
