im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
