oh god the rape fog is back!
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
