i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
