What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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