just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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