First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
