i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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