God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
