Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
