I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
