I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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