Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize