lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
i would punch a child for taco bell
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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