There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
