You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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