so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
