Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
