she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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