i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
