I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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