Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
