i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
