do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
