u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
